The Scary, Hairy, Shakespeare-y Ordeal of Writing

Writing is the job where you have to be all the things. You have to research other time periods, how machines and weapons work, how to knit, how the opposite gender thinks and makes decisions (that’s helpful for real life though), methods of killing people (I mean, uh… how people die naturally), how various businesses or economies work, and then you have to make everything else up.

Before you think that you can drop out of school to become a writer, be aware that you should actually quadruple major in Math, Medicine, English, and being a bard.

  • Writers have to do math

It’s 1:23 AM, and I am carefully measuring increments of 2.75 inches on a sheet of copy paper to space my plot points out evenly. Yes, I could type this out in a document. But that would be too easy.

  • We have to do surgery

One of my old plots had to have surgery. Actually, it basically had to DIE and then be resuscitated. I had to violently remove half the story to form a new book, which I learned from studying medicine would be called a storyline-ectomy. Very gruesome, and the recovery period is about six months long.

Tonight, I’m in for a secondary surgery because the first one had complications. I’m a doctor who is always on call, even at 1:23 AM.

…Especially at 1:23 AM.

  • The vocabulary get ridiculous

It got even hairier when I had to divide the quarters of my page further for my Hook, Inciting Event, and Climax. Not to mention my favorite writing term of all, “The Second Half of the Second Act.” Only a writer could come up with a phrase like that.

  • Writers have to do crafts

I’ve got tape measures, pens, sharpies, index cards, and all kinds of junk up in here. Wot in craftnation.

  • Writer’s have to be comedians

Not for other people, for our own survival. Like this picture of Shakespeare. It’s keeping me going. I just look at it and laugh. No offense, Will.






Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *